Lately I’ve been feeling frustrated. Maybe it’s the morning sickness (or evening sickness for me, and really, I can’t complain because it’s manageable… But it’s still there and annoying), maybe it’s the exhaustion, maybe it’s the double hormones from the two tiny humans growing inside my belly… Maybe it’s the winter that is finally “ending” but still feels chilling to the bone (40 degrees is hardly ‘warm’!) or that my brother and his wife just had a baby and I MISSED the little man by a matter of hours (got off the plane and what do you know?! Jenny’s in labor!). Maybe it’s because my sister is going to have a major life event happen soon and I won’t be there to celebrate with her in person (this kills me, it seriously kills me not to be there!). Every single door to bring us back to our family and friends on the west coast seems to close. Multiple opportunities arise only to fall flat.
I’m staring at the heavens, literally wanting to shake my fists.
What are you DOING up there?!
It doesn’t help that I escaped the last few months by spending a total of 7 weeks away from here. California, Florida… Places that were WARM. :) Saying it like that makes me feel like a modern woman-ish Jonah.
Oh please don’t spit me out and make me go back.
Yet here I am.
I know I’m not the first person to wonder what God is doing. I know he’s always at work behind the scenes where I can’t see Him. I know I’m just feeling overwhelmed.
But seriously what are you DOING?!
I bet Esther asked the same thing when she found out her people were going to be slaughtered.
Abram probably wondered similarly when it had been years since he’d been promised a son, and yet was still childless!
Moses surely shook his fists when Pharaoh continued to change is mind.
Mary and Martha certainly questioned when their brother Lazarus lay dead in a tomb for days when they knew Jesus could have healed him without even being there.
When Leah continued to produce son after son and was left unloved, I’m sure she wondered what God was doing!
When Rachel was left barren while her sister continued to conceive, I can bet she felt that God wasn’t doing ANYTHING.
When Bathsheba lost her son due to her husband’s sin, I would be shocked if she weren’t pounding the sky with her fists and shaking her head screaming “What the HECK are you DOING up there?!”
And these are just to name a few.
Yet if we stick around long enough– if we follow these stories through to completion, we see God’s hand at work and his faithfulness in and through all of it. I know God’s hand and faithfulness are in my story too– even if I can’t see it right now. Sometimes when I look around at the messes of toys in every. single. room and wonder how TWO more little people are going join this madness, I wonder what are You doing?! How can you possibly think that I am capable? I can hardly make dinner and clean it up without thinking about feeding and changing two more newborns at once! What are You DOING?!
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~Ephesians 3:20, NLT
No truer words said… I mean twins were definitely more than I could have ever hoped for or even imagined… :)
Esther, through God’s almighty power was able to rescue her people.
Abram became the father of all nations.
Moses led the people to freedom!
Mary and Martha witnessed their brother raised from the dead.
Leah is in the lineage of JESUS!!!
Rachel was blessed with not just one, but two sons.
Bathsheba became the mother of Solomon, the wisest man ever known.
Yes, what he’s brought us to He will see us through… If only we would have the faithfulness to stick it out to the end of our own story!