I wish I could say I hardly worry about anything. I’ve always been a worrier though. When I was a kid I used to worry about getting cancer. My mom used that fear to get me to eat lima beans and broccoli. “Eat it– it fights cancer,” she’d say. So I would.
I have a fear of throwing up. Krista’s puking episode in her mixing bowl? That would be like my worst nightmare come true. At the slight feel of nausea, I worry. It’s seriously ridiculous. I can’t believe I made it through an entire pregnancy without any issues of nausea.
When Maya was in the NICU I could hardly take a picture of her– even though most parents are clicking away at their camera with a baby just a couple days old. I worried that if something happened to her I would never be able to pick up a camera again, so I just avoided it altogether.
The ironic thing is, all that worrying was for nothing. I haven’t gotten cancer (yet :)), throwing up doesn’t kill you, and my daughter ended up not having anything wrong with her. All that worrying for nothing!
I spent a few days last week worrying for nothing. Why do I always do that? When will I truly begin to trust Him?
When we moved to New Jersey, I qualified for unemployment since I was quitting my job due to a spousal job transfer. One of the requirements to receive unemployment benefits, however, is that you apply for work. Totally understandable. So I apply for jobs every week, and week after week I don’t get hired. So I apply… But if I’m honest, I really don’t want to go to work for just any job– it would need to be the right fit for our family.
Suddenly an email pops up in my inbox requesting my salary requirements and a time to interview as soon as possible. It’s for a company in NYC on fifth avenue near Union Square (I had to ask Krista where the heck it was since I am still getting my bearings around the city) and for a Director of Support Operations role. At first I thought it was a joke. A Director position? Seriously?!
So I respond casually on my iPhone, telling them I can’t interview for at least a week and giving them a ridiculously high salary requirement. I was professional and nice, but somewhat of a diva in my opinion. I figure they’ll for sure throw my resume out. I mean, really. I would if I was the recruiter.
A few days later I get a reply with a date and time to interview via phone. What?! This seriously can’t be real. I try to go on the site to find the job description so I can at least know what this job entails, but it’s closed. I didn’t even read the job description when I applied so I have no idea what this job is. I still can’t believe they didn’t throw my resume out after reading my lavish salary requirements.
I hardly think about it and the interview comes and I answer all the questions honestly and listen intently about the company. The HR recruiter and I seem to connect. She’s asking me lots of questions about my experience and relating them to what their needs are. We end the conversation with her asking me if there are certain days that are more convenient for me to come in person for another interview, and that she’ll be talking with her CEO and will call me early next week.
I hang up the phone proud of myself for enduring an interview. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the hot seat. I always think interviewing is helpful; it sharpens and humbles and challenges. David comes home and I tell him all about it. Over the weekend I start to worry.
I begin thinking about all the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘how-would-it-work’ scenarios. I keep thinking about daycare. How will I leave Maya again? It tore me up when I did it last time and daycares out here have like year long waiting lists. How will I even get into the city every day for work? I’d be gone for a good 12 hours! The position required significant travel. I don’t want to travel away from my daughter unless it’s on vacation with my man! My mind and mouth keep running through the possibilities and how I just can’t commit to something this intense.
Then– a voice of reason.
“No offense, but they just did a phone interview,” David pipes in. “Realistically, they probably have a lot of well qualified applicants.”
“Of course, of course,” I reply. How silly of me to get carried away. There’s no way they will call to schedule an in-person interview, right? I think to myself. And then I continue to worry and wonder and I’m feeling a little stress because what if they DO call me to interview in-person? Do I just tell them I can’t do it or do I go and have the experience and see what it’s all about? My ridiculousness continues over the weekend.
And then, I receive an email. They appreciate my interest and think I have an impressive resume but have better qualified applicants and will not be pursuing me further.
All that worrying for nothing.
22 What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? 23 All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless. ~Ecclesiastes 2:22, emphasis added
May we remember this when we begin to worry 🙂
Have you ever worried for nothing? What did you learn? Thanks for reading.