I’m here… Now what?

06132013 decide quote

We’ve been in New Jersey for six months now.

Six months!  I should have a slew of new best friends, a favorite local eatery, a preferred grocer, a church that knows my name, a neighbor that I gossip with… Right?

So.  Wrong.

I have a best friend here (thank the Lord almighty for Krista!!!), but I didn’t meet her here.  I guess Angeloni’s Italian Café could be my favorite local spot, but I really don’t know.  I’m starting to get to know people at church…  And my neighbors?  I know most of them have dogs.  That’s it.

I’m here in New Jersey…  Indefinitely…  But now what?

As Krista and I were chatting during our eventful day in the city, I was telling her how I feel in-between.   I don’t feel this place will be permanent for us, but I’m not sure how long we’ll be here.  I’ve always known our final destination is California– to go back home.  And while I’ve been intentionally trying to water our New Jersey grass, I find myself constantly thinking “but we might not be here for very long…”

Krista, in her loving, bestest friend kind of way, gently called me out on this.  By the way, if you don’t have a friend who can call you out on things, get one.  Stat.

“But then you’re living for what may never happen,” she commented.  “You might move soon.  Or in ten years.  Or maybe you won’t go back to California, maybe David won’t work at that company forever, maybe it’s all part of a bigger story.  But if you live for what may never happen, what is that?”

Seriously.  What is that?!

Then the whole crazy man thing happened, with his face literally in David’s face– for I don’t know what reason because David didn’t even say one word to him.  And just like Krista talked about, fear and panic seized my heart at that moment.  I thought to myself, “my house is the only safe place!”

Because you know, there must be crazy people everywhere around every corner waiting to yell in my face or something.

And then I think about  what Krista said about living for what may never happen– and I wonder.  I don’t want my New Jersey story to end up like this:

She moved to New Jersey.  Lived in a lovely house.  The end.


Kind of sad actually!


Disappointing, most of all.

The next day, I went to the ‘stuff’ room and pulled out some picture frames that I’ve been waiting to hang for when we move a few months down the road to somewhere more permanent.  I decided that I was waiting for something that might never happen (even though our lease ends on November 30, so I went back and forth on this one for a while!) so I got the nails and the hammer out from the basement.  I know the perfect place for a gallery wall, I thought.

That afternoon, our landlord stopped by.  He told us we could extend our lease if we wanted and to think about it and let him know what our intentions were.

We’re still thinking about it, but the gallery wall is now up and it is a reminder that those picture frames were sitting waiting for something that might never happen.  They were living for might, could, maybe, one day…  Not for now, here, currently, today.  As it turns out, we have the option to stay here longer.  How long would those frames sit waiting to be hung and enjoyed?

06132013 gallery wal

I’m here in New Jersey today.  Now what?  How about why not?!  Why not invite my neighbors over?  Why not try out the diner on the corner?  Why not?!  Whatever I’m waiting for, it might never happen.

As I headed out with the stroller to return some movies to the library today, my neighbor happened to be outside on our shared driveway.  “Hi!”  She exclaimed, coming over and pinching Maya’s sweet cheeks.

“Want to come over for dinner next week?”  I asked.

Because later might never happen.

Rachel Signature


5 thoughts on “I’m here… Now what?

  1. Wow, very thought provoking, Rachel. I am so guilty of living for the future instead of the now. I may even get brave and invite one of my neighbors over for dinner, who knows! 🙂

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