I am leaving Urban Hallelujah.

Ricky in field

I am leaving Urban Hallelujah.

For weeks I have wrestled with how to say that, and then there, just like that, I said it.

For the last couple of months I have been MIA, I have prayed, eaten through an entire package of Double Stuf Oreos, and then prayed some more. Poring over and wrestling to death the question: What is it God wants from me?

Because I fondly remember the day I cursed a crockpot and blew up the blogosphere for reasons I still don’t understand – with half of a million people reading that post alone! And how I cried to the point of hyperventilation in the bathroom because of all the mean things people said about me. People, I would later name “Amy” in an attempt at humanizing ruthless internet bullies and making their words sting less. A sweet, but failed attempt on my part.

How Rachel and I had seriously considered shutting the blog down entirely after such unexpected traffic. Which always makes me laugh, because while some people strive for that level of attention, apparently we just cry. Its just not who we are. And for some reason I am insanely proud of that.

How what began with just 20 followers consisting only of grandma’s, our grandma’s to be specific, grew to a whopping 100 people we didn’t know and who were not genetically predisposition to love us. How shocked we were when 100 followers ultimately grew to nearly 1,600!

…But how cruel it felt when just months later my heart broke and my life cliff-dived into a horrific nightmare. Allowing each of the 1,600 followers to be front-and-center to watch as I screamed, questioned and threw punches at God. How even still, I made God a promise to write through the mess, and how surprisingly glad I am that I did. The writing part, not the throwing punches at God part. Though I am certain He would agree, I’ve got a wicked right hook.

How to my complete surprise, God used so many of you to speak into my darkest days and to pray for my family when all hope seemed lost. How you sent encouragement, care packages (with said Oreos) and friend requests on Facebook.

And how because of that, I am certain if we were ever lucky enough to meet, I would hug you. Maybe even exchange crockpot recipes with you and laugh about all the silly places I put commas, but mostly just hug you. Because mere words couldn’t possibly portray how genuinely thankful I am for each and every one of you. Prayers like yours, saved my marriage and quite honestly, my life.

Yet, I am not the same girl that started this blog with Rachel less than two years ago. Depression and heartbreak have a way of changing a person, I suppose. Yet even still I can feel God pressing, keep. writing. through. the. mess.

Because of that, I feel the need to venture out on my own – to obediently continue writing, all while unapologetically owning the fact that this life of mine is not going the way I told it to. And that the reality of that, doesn’t make my life wrong, it just makes it different. Different than I planned. Different even, than I wanted. But not wrong. And that it is my responsibility to love myself through that, and to mercilessly do whatever it takes to find God’s face in it.

And so after lots of prayer, I have decided to start my own blog which thou shalt be named kristaortiz.com – named in part because my name is the only thing that HASN’T changed about me in the last two years (Though believe me it almost did, if you know what I mean. Awkward pause… I make myself smile.)  And also because lets be real, Rachel is the more creative one of us and that’s all I could come up with on my own.

So my name is what it will be, and that is where you can find me.

I secretly hope to see you there. But in case I don’t, and given the chance our paths cross someday, please come say hi. And bring your best hug.

I’ll bring the Double Stuf Oreos.

Krista Signature

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15 thoughts on “I am leaving Urban Hallelujah.

  1. May God bless you in your new endeavor! Our journey with the Lord never goes “as planned.” Stay closely aligned with Jesus, keep your heart open to Him, and you will be led in ways you never imagined! Many hearts and souls will be touched through you:-)

    Love and blessings,
    Bernadette

  2. Phew! My heart stopped and a little of me died inside, when for a brief moment I thought you were done writing forever. But alas, my heart was a flutter with the news of your new blog and thus, you and your crockpot shall have my undying affection and devotion.
    God will use you abominably because you said yes to Him, and it shall be a glorious puddle (more like a lake) of tears.
    You have my prayers and I can’t express in words my joy that God intervened and saved your marriage.
    All my Hugs & Kisses!
    TamBamIs

  3. I so appreciate how vulnerable you have allowed yourself to be. Don’t ever forget that our God is able to do so much more than we could ever dream or imagine!!! He has sent you in a different direction but he has an amazing life in store for you!!!! I am really happy to hear that you will continue to write. Love you. ❤️❤️

  4. God bless you and keep you. After 51 .5 years of marriage I can say only God can keep two sinners living under one roof for the long haul BUT (love that word) He can and does. There’s an old song I’m just now getting “I need thee oh, I need thee every hour I need thee. Bless me now my savior I come to thee. ” I’ve appreciated your writing and am glad you will keep at it. When our world is falling down around us HE IS FAITHFUL, it is His presence in our lives that gives us peace that passes understanding. That seems pretty clear since so many of the “don’t be afraid verses in scripture refer to the fact he IS with us.

  5. Krista, I am so very blessed to have read that one wild post that spoke everything I had wanted to say to people who wanted to put me in my place as a Christian woman. It really isn’t all that often that a person can find a blogger and think, man we could really be friends if we met in person. You are a pretty amazing Godly woman and your willingness to say the hard things and be vulnerable to the women you minister to through this (and your new blog) is an incredible blessing. Thank you!

  6. I can not tell you how much of encouragement you have been in my life through your blog, you have been amazing, thank you for your real ness, I would wake up every day looking and waiting for your blogs to come up, thank you for sharing your life, I wish you all the best for your future, thank you for making your imprint in my life!

  7. Krista! It’s always good to read you so I’m happy u are going to keep writing and maybe later why not write a book 😉 you are so genuine and God is preparing you so you can have a GREAT impact in other people lives :))) (more than u already have had) ! God bless you and I’ll keep reading u ❤

  8. Krista,
    Good luck on where ever God and life may take you. I can only express my deep gratitude for you and Rachel. I have wrestled with my own depression, trials and tribulations, a failed marriage and completely losing any vision of my true self I had left. I still struggle with the questions “Why am I here”, “Does He really love me, even when I’m a mess”. But somehow He has a way of surprising you and making life ok again. Bless you ladies for your courage to put yourself out there and to freely express your love and faith in God.
    Always,
    Christina

  9. Your writing has always brought me such encouragement and strength. While I do not know the intimate details of your situation and you do not know mine I feel they are practically one in the same. I look to your posts often, re-read them, reflect and write about them, and share them with others. I look to this blog every week and when I didn’t see anything I began to wonder. There is a rawness in your writing that cuts deep into the soul (in a good way!) I was anxiously waiting for what you’d write next but preparing myself in the event it wouldn’t come. So I will bookmark your new blog and look forward to what you will write next!

  10. After seeing some of your posts on Instagram (my husband’s on NewSpring Central staff) I wandered over to your blog and have loved it! I’m glad to hear that you’re going to continue to blog. I went back and read said “scandalous blog” and I feel like we’d probably get along great! Lol! Maybe one day our paths will cross, but until then, I look forward to your new posts! 🙂

  11. I saw the title of this post and got a little bummed…BUT, I continued reading and got really excited for your new journey! 🙂 Can’t wait to see what’s in store!

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