What Are You DOING?!

Lately I’ve been feeling frustrated.  Maybe it’s the morning sickness (or evening sickness for me, and really, I can’t complain because it’s manageable…  But it’s still there and annoying), maybe it’s the exhaustion, maybe it’s the double hormones from the two tiny humans growing inside my belly…  Maybe it’s the winter that is finally “ending” but still feels chilling to the bone (40 degrees is hardly ‘warm’!) or that my brother and his wife just had a baby and I MISSED the little man by a matter of hours (got off the plane and what do you know?!  Jenny’s in labor!).  Maybe it’s because my sister is going to have a major life event happen soon and I won’t be there to celebrate with her in person (this kills me, it seriously kills me not to be there!).  Every single door to bring us back to our family and friends on the west coast seems to close.  Multiple opportunities arise only to fall flat.

I’m staring at the heavens, literally wanting to shake my fists.

What are you DOING up there?!

It doesn’t help that I escaped the last few months by spending a total of 7 weeks away from here.  California, Florida…  Places that were WARM. 🙂  Saying it like that makes me feel like a modern woman-ish Jonah.

Oh please don’t spit me out and make me go back.

Yet here I am.

I know I’m not the first person to wonder what God is doing.  I know he’s always at work behind the scenes where I can’t see Him.  I know I’m just feeling overwhelmed.

But seriously what are you DOING?!

I bet Esther asked the same thing when she found out her people were going to be slaughtered.

Abram probably wondered similarly when it had been years since he’d been promised a son, and yet was still childless!

Moses surely shook his fists when Pharaoh continued to change is mind.

Mary and Martha certainly questioned when their brother Lazarus lay dead in a tomb for days when they knew Jesus could have healed him without even being there.

When Leah continued to produce son after son and was left unloved, I’m sure she wondered what God was doing!

When Rachel was left barren while her sister continued to conceive, I can bet she felt that God wasn’t doing ANYTHING.

When Bathsheba lost her son due to her husband’s sin, I would be shocked if she weren’t pounding the sky with her fists and shaking her head screaming “What the HECK are you DOING up there?!”

And these are just to name a few.

Yet if we stick around long enough– if we follow these stories through to completion, we see God’s hand at work and his faithfulness in and through all of it.  I know God’s hand and faithfulness are in my story too– even if I can’t see it right now.  Sometimes when I look around at the messes of toys in every. single. room and wonder how TWO more little people are going join this madness, I wonder what are You doing?!  How can you possibly think that I am capable?  I can hardly make dinner and clean it up without thinking about feeding and changing two more newborns at once!  What are You DOING?!  

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. ~Ephesians 3:20, NLT

No truer words said… I mean twins were definitely more than I could have ever hoped for or even imagined… 🙂

Esther, through God’s almighty power was able to rescue her people.

Abram became the father of all nations.

Moses led the people to freedom!

Mary and Martha witnessed their brother raised from the dead.

Leah is in the lineage of JESUS!!!

Rachel was blessed with not just one, but two sons.

Bathsheba became the mother of Solomon, the wisest man ever known.

Yes, what he’s brought us to He will see us through…  If only we would have the faithfulness to stick it out to the end of our own story!

Rachel Signature2

Twice the Fun

Things are about to get CRAZY around here.

Yes, I know.  My life is already CRAZY.  My husband has a crazy-busy (and yet wonderful and awesome) job, my two and a half year old tells me she needs her “personal space”, and I work full time from home.  Even so, my life is going to get even crazier.

Times TWO!

I had no idea.  Twins do not run in my family.  Other than feeling slightly more tired and nauseous than I had with Maya, everything seemed to be the same.  Yet when the ultrasound tech put up a peace sign (yes, I really did think she was telling me “peace!”  That’s how outrageous the idea of two babies would be for me!), I did not believe it.  “You guys hit the jackpot!” She exclaimed, and I had no idea what she meant.

When she showed me the two pulsating heartbeats on the screen complete with two separate sacs and two separate embryos, I was in disbelief.  Two?!  Oh Lord what the heck?!

My husband, being the calm, non-reactive one, just stared calmly at the screen.  He was more interested in understanding how this happened and what kind of twins we would be having (they’re fraternal, by the way). I began crying and then laughing and then crying and then laughing.  This was not in our plan ever.  How am I going to have twins?! I kept thinking to myself.

We had no idea.  There is no family history of twins in the family, and I’ve never been on any fertility treatments.  Talk about getting a real two-for-one special!

We have to move.  Our two bedroom is too tiny for a family of 5!

I will need a larger car (wait for it… A minivan most likely!  My 20 year old self would seriously die.  A slow. Painful. Death.).

How am I going to do this without my mom living nearby?

How is my body going to house TWO tiny humans for the next 6 months?

How will I be able to provide enough love and attention to two babies, a toddler and my husband?!

I can’t even begin to answer all these questions, but  there is one thing I’m holding on to and that is HE KNOWS.  HE will provide.  HE will make it happen.  HE will see us through.  HE is the giver of all things through HIM I can do all things.

The shock has worn off now, and I am excited at the thought that our family will be bigger than I ever hoped or imagined (ohhhhh God is funny how he works!).  I’m reading a book on multiples given to me by a friend.  I’ve switched doctors to go with someone who’s specialized in multiple births.  I’m praying for a continual healthy pregnancy and that God’s protection and hand would be over these babies.  I have no idea how I’m going to do it but I know He’s faithful and He will work it all out.  What He’s called us to, He will walk us through… Amen?

So now my toddler is painting her nails with white-out and currently has scissors in her hands.  I best be on my way.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me. 🙂